Tonight, I cried my eyes out for over an hour, and no one knew.

Tonight, I wanted to completely disappear from this earth, and no one knew.

In fact, I think if I did disappear, no one would know, and that’s partly why I was (and am still) crying.

I’ve been forced to come to terms with the reality of this in a big way lately. I’ve always been the type of person to go above and beyond for everyone around me, but lately I’ve been paying attention to who actually returns the favor, and the RoR is low.

I don’t truly matter in any real way. My company is always replaceable or superfluous.

Between the tears, I kept asking myself (or maybe God), what’s the point when I’m never anyone’s first choice? I’m never anyone’s priority. No one, not even the ones I care about most, love me as much as I love them, and the rest don’t love me enough to stay at all.

I’ve never felt so empty.

I can’t bear to go one more day and have my value to others be solely defined by what they get from me - instead of what I mean to them.

I’ve cried alone so many nights, and no one knew.

I want someone to know.

I want to be loved back.

I want to matter to someone.

I want someone to miss me before I’m gone.